Troubled Waters

Another night alone at home, silence fills the room.

I turn the lights out to fill the empty space.

My mind screams but my heart never hears it.

I block out any signs of a splitting end.

Tonight somehow those thoughts creep through

making their way into my heart.

A home with one heart is no home at all.

A ship headed toward deep waters never

sees the lighthouse calling it home.

Then again, a ship knows no home

better than troubled waters.

Fair winds, bucko.

Growing Up

It’s been a while since I have sat down to write. I could give you a million excuses why I haven’t written but they would all be just that, excuses. I have been feeling quite interesting lately so I figured it was time to sit down and put words on paper.

I am twenty-three years young and feeling every second of it. I work as a bartender full-time and spend my free time reading. Currently, I am going through an interesting time in my life and would like to share with you why that is. Lately I have found that I tend to be slightly too influenced by others opinions. I have always seen myself as being very independent, which is why this new discovery is so interesting to me. People say you are most impressionable when you are a child, however I believe I have found that in my early twenties I am still at that state. Don’t get me wrong, I can make decisions for myself and I don’t jump on every bandwagon I see. I am simply saying that what others think still has a type of impact on me, and I soak up information like a sponge. Part of this could be the fact that I just moved to a new city and am trying to figure it out. Best places to eat, best coffee shops, best chocolate cake in town, etc..

I am not upset at this new discovery, I find it as a step forward in “growing up.” I am on a mission of getting to know myself better now. I have spent so many years people pleasing that I have forgotten to live my own life. I encourage anyone and everyone to take a step back and ask yourself this…Who are you living for?

Universe

Shadows cast over the dark blue waters that lie in front of me.

The mist comes off the ocean gently brushing against my body,

It’s as if I could capture this memory in my hand and hold it forever.

Mysterious world my mind is yours for the taking.

Grab a hold of me and only let me go when you are satisfied 

that I know all there is to know.

Flip me upside down until the breaking tide is rolling over

the cursed clouds below.

What a beautiful mind you must have universe.

You sway from side to side as the wind pulls you in every which way it chooses,

Your tired heart aches from the constant chaos, but my universe….

You are as beautiful as the thought of creation itself.

I imagine your mind to be more psychotic than that of the deadliest,

The most beautiful minds are always the most fucked up.

Drown me in your dark waters and take me away with you,

Rip my heart out of my chest and devour my eyes. 

Let me see with emotion, guide me through your mastered ways.

(Dives in the darkest waters of the sea.)

This Old House

Bowing above the fire, wood turns to ash.

This old house claims nothing but memories.

The walls cave in as my lungs collapse.

Soon, I will be nothing more than the fog that passes

throughout the night.

Your dreams contain only brief images of me

you will not remember in the morning.

My mind slips away, my soul has vanished.

Contrary to belief, I am not bulletproof.

Your cruel intentions shine now,

where as before I was blinded by the moon itself.

Lie me down tonight with your bitter soul

and dispose of me in the morning.

Tonight, I get high to avoid any form of conversation with you.

Tonight, you get high to avoid any form of conversation with me.

Lie me down tonight with your bitter soul

and dispose of me in the morning.